My parents divorced when I was 4. When I was 5 years old, I went to live with my aunt and uncle while my mother recuperated from back surgery. Back then, the healing process was close to a year. The year I lived with my aunt and uncle was one of great happiness for me, and one of peace that I wouldn’t experience again until adulthood. That year is my first memory of going to church and Sunday school, and learning that Jesus loved me.
When I returned to Atlanta to live with my Mom, I don’t recall going to church again until I was probably 13 or 14. My mother was an alcoholic, and I was desperate to feel loved and accepted. While I know my mom loved me, it always felt “conditional.” It was at that time, I started going to church by myself, walking the 5 blocks from home to attend Peachtree Christian Church. I became active in the youth group and there I found acceptance from my church family. I attended church camp at the age of 15. I had an amazing experience during a prayer service where I felt the enormity of Jesus’ love for me.
Shortly thereafter, I was baptized. I remember the excitement that my life was starting anew! However, life at home continued to be a nightmare. While I was close to the Lord until about 19, that closeness was at arm’s length. I can see now that the Lord had His hand on me all through my childhood. It was He who walked with me to church that first Sunday morning, and every day thereafter.
However, with all the dysfunction in my family and in my soul, I was unable to develop a deep parent-child relationship with the Father based on experiential love and trust. Yet, He was always there with outstretched arms.
I was the product of the late 60’s, early 70’s, where love, peace and drugs flourished. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was lost and felt like God abandoned me, but my shame kept me from drawing close to Him. Yet, He pulled me out of my wayward behaviors and put a wonderful man in my life whom I married. He was a loving, caring and precious man and we had two beautiful children. We both sensed a need to return to church and we wanted our children raised in the knowledge of Christ, so I agreed to join the Episcopal Church, which was my husband’s religion.
There was no life in the church we attended, just lots of rituals and religion. When my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, only one couple from the church offered comfort and support. Isn’t that incredibly sad?!! In any event, during Bill’s illness, I begged and pleaded for his healing, but it was not to be. After he died, I was overwhelmed with anger, fear, anxiety and incredible loneliness. Yet there were many times when I would be sobbing and I would feel a rush of warmth flow over me and a peace would rest upon me like I’d never had. I wanted to hold on to that peace but I didn’t know how.
About 3 months after he died, I was attending the First United Methodist Church where our children attended preschool, and where people wrapped us in love, support and comfort. I noticed in a bulletin one morning that a new Sunday school class was starting “for all the heathens who didn’t know much about the Bible and were too embarrassed to admit it!” That had my name all over it. It was in that class where I started to learn about grace, salvation and sanctification. While it was a wonderful time of learning and drawing closer to God, and the beginning of a decent foundation, I knew that there was something more that He had in store for me.
Fast forward to 1999, when I moved to Savannah, we attended a United Methodist Church that had a good youth program, wonderful people, but I knew my spirit wasn’t being fed. I’d never heard of the difference between the spirit and the soul until I met Gene Hall in 2001. I had no idea what a mess I was until I started learning about the functions of the soul. Then came teachings on the doorway of change, and the strongholds, satan’s defenses and generational curses. That’s when the Lord really began a work in me. He certainly had his work cut out but there was nothing about me that He didn’t already know. When I looked at how He directed my steps through life, and brought me into this wonderful ministry, I can sum it up in one word…..Love.
His total, unconditional, overwhelming, abundant love for His children and His desire to us to be restored back to Him. He wants to make us whole – mind, body, spirit & finances – so we can manifest His kingdom here on earth. Until coming to Kingdom Life Ministries, I never understood that I had authority over Satan, that I have the power of the resurrected Lord and His Holy Spirit to fight my battles for me. I’m not where I want to be yet, but thankfully, He’s freeing me from the demon spirits of shame, rejection and unforgiveness. He knows I still make mistakes. He sees my struggles, but He sees my heart and my desire to know Him better each day. I thank Him daily for His creation, His lovingkindness, His grace and mercy. I thank Him for the trials as they bring me closer to Him. I thank Him for the healing He did for my daughter. I thank Him that He is doing a work in my son, and He continues to do a work in me.
I was dead in my transgressions and He gave me life. Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and a new life for everyone. Because one person disobeyed God many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous (Romans 5:18-19)
PRAISE GOD that we have an Abba Father who loves us so very much that He gave His one and only Son just for you, and just for me. Thank you Lord, I love you!
When I looked at how He directed my steps through life, and brought me into this wonderful ministry, I can sum it up in one word…..Love.