And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.
I was raised in a Baptist church. I knew the difference between what was of God and what wasn’t. Once I got out on my own I wasn’t making choices that I should have made. I was living to have fun and thought all of the adult stuff could wait. I would ask God to show me signs to help me make decisions but I never wanted to hear, see, or recognize the signs. I graduated from college, got a job, and got married (Isn’t that every girl’s dream).
I married a man that I had dated for 7 years. We had been through a lot together and I thought we would always be there for each other. I didn’t want to give up on everything we had been through and I knew he loved me and thought that after we were married our family would come first. This was my way of ignoring what God was telling me….
We started our life together and we were happy. We drifted apart but “doesn’t everyone do that” was my excuse. We had difficulty having a child and after 2 miscarriages we had a precious baby boy. He became our life. Everything revolved around him. I quit work and became a stay at home mom, every girl’s dream.
When our baby was 2 years old I got an anonymous phone call one day that told me some things about my husband. They said if I confronted him that he would cover it up as he always had. I started thinking back on all of God’s visions from the past 14 years and couldn’t believe how I had taken control from Him, look where I was now. Look where MY choices had led me. My husband was a very good story teller and could come up with anything at the drop of a hat and I had fallen for all of those stories. I fell face first to the floor and felt my life fall apart. I felt something inside of me say “get up and do what you have to do!!” You can’t imagine the stress!
Well the same week that my divorce became final I heard these words from the doctors, “It’s cancer”!! The Drs said my cancer started because of my stress so I realized I had to forgive my ex to get on with my life. I remember thinking – OK God what are You doing to me. Little did I know He was saving me.
I started working on my Master’s degree, had lumpectomy and radiation and started attending church. My grandmother who was the most gracious godly woman I have ever known died that year. One year went by of me adjusting to being single and listening to people telling me things about my ex that I had never known. My doctors told me that since I had breast cancer my insurance would pay for a breast implant. I was excited, something good was going to come out of all of this. I got the ball rolling and had implants. Well, it turned out that the cancer had returned and I had to have a mastectomy. I couldn’t believe what I was going through. I had the mastectomy and thought OK… We will just do reconstructive surgery and it will be fine. Well, I kept telling the doctor that the reconstruction hurt and something was wrong. Well, it turns out that the button on the stretcher was rubbing on my rib and caused an infection that even my doctor had never seen before. The infection took over my mind and body. I was in such severe pain and my mind wouldn’t work. The medicines I had to take made me so nauseous I couldn’t eat or sleep. For three months my parents had to move in with me and take care of me and my four year old son. I couldn’t sleep, I was i horrible pain, so nauseous I couldn’t eat. I would sit in my bed and yell out at God—Why!?!?! Why me!?!?!? Haven’t I been through enough. I had to drop my master’s classes for the quarter, I had to get a job, and buy my own home for me and my child, everyone knew about my ex… I was so depressed and overwhelmed with everything. I immersed myself in scripture and did nothing but spend time with God.
I heard a voice tell me to get my gun and put it to my head and all of it would be over! No more pain, no more sleepless weeks, no more nausea, no more embarrassment of my ex, no more school, no having to get a job, buy a house… IT WOULD ALL BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! The devil kept telling me that no one will ever love me or would want me. He kept reminding me of my sins and how I was a burden on my parents. He kept telling me no one would miss me…
My four year old was told to stay out of my room because I was sick. When he could he would open my door, come to the foot of my bed, and whisper “I love you mama” then leave the room. I couldn’t even play with my child or be there for his pre-K experience. At four years old he didn’t know what he was doing for me but God knew… God was giving me something to live for. God used those “I love you mama’s” to strengthen me. He sent my grandmother’s spirit to tell me I would be alright, God came to me and held me and told me he was with me through it all. It was such a peace as he was holding me and speaking to me. Some of the scripture that got me through were Jeremiah 29:11-14, Deuteronomy 31:8, and Isaiah 53.
I told my father to take the gun and put it where I couldn’t find it. I immersed myself in God’s word and learned how to put the devil out of my world. God brought me through and I got me back but even stronger. I was able to take and pick up Josh from school. I finished my master’s degree, got a job at a wonderful school in the grade that I wanted, and bought my own home. I saw what God can take you through and bring you to. I never would have been able to accomplish these things without Him.
During the 3 years that I was single God brought a man into my life. I knew in my spirit that he was my soul mate. My flesh didn’t want to hear that. My flesh wanted to go out and have a good time being single. I had walls around me that I wasn’t going to let anyone get through. I kept praying that God would break the temptation of my flesh and show me His plan for my life. Then one day God told me that Carey was His plan. A man that puts God above everything and loves me as God loves the church. We are now happily married and God is the center of our relationship. What the devil meant for evil God replaced and multiplied.
Now I have a personal daily relationship with my heavenly Father. Would I choose to go through what I have been through in my life…No, but I am thankful that it brought me to where I am today. A strong, beautiful highly favored woman of God.
Life is not always easy… God never promises easy. In fact the valley’s can seem way too deep and way too long. But knowing that He is there carrying me through to bring me to an even better place is what is amazing.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
“ I immersed myself in God’s word and learned how to put the devil out of my world. God brought me through and I got me back but even stronger.”