Robin Boyette

     We spend our whole lives trying to suppress and erase
memories from the past. Those memories, unbeknownst to us,
shape the way that we become. For a long time, that is what I
thought I was successful at. So successful, that I have managed
to blank out most of my childhood memories. My earliest
memories, the best and the worst, included my mother being
drunk. For the most part, I was raised by my grandmother. I
know that my mother did the best that she could, while trying to
seek her own happiness as well.

     When my mother was in a relationship, everything was
intense. I witnessed Love, Hate and everything in between. She
was never able to focus on more than one person at a time. Most
of the time, it was not me, but her current boyfriend.

     My mother was 26 when she met my father, or who I was
told was my father. While my mother and father were together,
it was out of convenience. When I say convenience, I mean
mostly on my mother’s part. She was working and my father
would take care of me during the day. We would always play
games and go explore outside. Then, the games that were fun
and innocent turned into games and secrets that were not so
innocent. My dad acted inappropriately toward me and told me
that if I loved him that I would keep it a secret between us.
While this was going on, my mother was so busy with work
that she was not capable of understanding what I was trying to
tell her. It wasn’t until I told my grandfather what games my
father and I were playing that things started to change.

     From that point on, it was still about my mother. How
guilty she felt for letting it happen and how she was never going
to let it happen again. No one took into account how I felt or
what I thought. It was then that I learned, in order to make it in
my own family, my weaknesses are not to be focused on. That
is not who I am or who I wanted to be known as. I always said
that I didn’t care what people think of me, but my actions
proved otherwise. I was the one in the family that was always
well kept. No one knew my problems, but I knew everyone
else’s. I made it a point to never let anyone into my secrets. The
hurt girl I was hiding became fully cloaked. She was highly
protected.

     I’d never had a stable relationship. My mother had taught
me that as long as I loved other people, I would not have to love
myself because someone else would do it for me. I was lacking
the one thing that she had, a father. My father was not the best
man in the world, but I still wanted to know who he was. I used
my desire for a father and gave intimacy to anyone that would
receive it. I always thought that premarital activities were
intimacy because that is what I learned from my mother.

     I met a man in September 2010. I thought I had found “the
one”. He offered me levels of intimacy that I never thought
possible. This man clearly displayed a gift that he was running
from, the love of Christ. This relationship was different than any
one that I was in previously. I was fully committed. Well, as
fully committed as I could be. I found out that I was pregnant on
Christmas Day in 2010. This was only three short months after I
had met him. There was a lot of doubt running in my mind. He
reassured me that everything was going to be alright.

     Everything was perfect, until the man who said that he
loved me more than anything, decided that he wasn’t ready to
have kids. This came as a shock to me because that was all that
he talked about. When his decision was made to end our
relationship, I had no idea what I was going to do. We were
engaged and we were supposed to get married in March of
2011, so I had spent all the money I saved up for the wedding
and everything else. I had no money and nowhere to go. While
all of this was going on, we were living with his parents. I
thought for sure that his parents would take his side and I, not
only would be pregnant, but homeless. When we parted ways,
his parents told him that he had to leave. His parents showed me
the first true love that I have ever experienced, the love of truth
and righteousness. How could someone who didn’t even know
who I was, care for me so much that they would give up their
son for the truth? While he was getting ready to move out, I was
told that I could stay there as long as I needed. I was invited to a
special night at the ministry that his parents attended and I
decided to go. What did I have to lose?
___________________________________

     When I walked into the ministry, I was introduced to a
wonderful woman named Leigh Breon. She immediately came
up to me and gave me the biggest hug. It felt like I had already
known her for years.

     During the sermon, I was there, but there was still so much hurt and anger going on that I could not really focus. Close to the end of the sermon, the guest speaker, came directly up to me and said, “Are you okay”? I thought I did well trying not to draw too much attention to myself. I nodded my head. He got closer to me and stared me right in the eyes, “Are YOU okay”? I started sobbing; he grabbed me by the hand and led me to the front of the ministry, in front of everybody. He whispered, it is just me and you here, all you need to do is let go. Let go of the hurt and the burden, and I will carry it! That was the first time in my life where I had really just let go off all control and
surrendered completely. I didn’t realize until later that it was not
John Perrault talking to me, it was Christ himself. Since that
night, my life has never been the same.

     I thought that I would never have been able to move past all of the hurt caused by myself and others, but the Lord has brought me out of so much and I look forward to the future because the apostle Paul has said, “Therefore, in anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Cor. 5:17)

     The man’s mother mentioned to me that Leigh agreed I
could stay with her for a few days until he moved his stuff out
of the house. Leigh opened her home to me and allowed me to
stay until I was able to get my own apartment a few months
later. I am so thankful that God has placed people in my life to
be a cloud of witnesses that gird me up in truth. Without this, I
truly don’t know where I’d be. We must always know that God
is constantly searching for “the one” and we are it, and He will
leave the 99 to find us every time.

“Therefore, in anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Cor. 5:17).”