I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know or communicate to my heavenly Father. Even remembering as far back as age two, I seemed to have an open communication with God. I particularly loved His creation, nature, seemed to me to be in some communication with Him as well. Now I know that all of creation praises Him. So even in my earliest age I remember being a part of this praise and dance. At age five, I asked Jesus into my heart. He came in.
I seem to know Jesus also even as far back as age two. I remember drawing a flower and the sun shining on it. I knew the flower was me and Jesus was the sun. I knew that even if that flower was growing in rocks or storms hit it that as long as that flower was looking to Jesus, it would be OK. That was what Jesus told me as early as I can remember in my life. The storms did come. The blows of rejection did come. Shame robbing the flowers beauty and the dried up brittleness of forgiveness crept into the leaves and stems of my little flower. The flower still lived. Tattered and often looking to the damage and wounds which seem so severe, sometimes, yes many times my eyes got off Jesus.
At age twelve, something supernatural happened. Not feeling well one Sunday morning I skipped church. Church, my whole life, was my most favorite place to be. There I found glimpses of love and all the Bible stories and scriptures gave my little flower life. I loved the stories about Noah, Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Daniel, David, Jesus, etc. I always felt they were my family. There were my people and I felt great comfort and courage hanging on to every word about them. So for me to miss church was unusual. Feeling sickly that Sunday morning I curled up in my bed and opened a Good New for Modern Man, New Testament. This book was the first time I read a version without the “thees and thous” of King James version. That day I began reading from the beginning of Matthew and continued reading on through. I couldn’t put it down. Something supernatural happened that day that I have never, ever forgotten. Jesus came in the room and as I felt the purity of His Presence, all my righteousness, which I had always did my best to be a good girl, felt as filthy rags and I knew my entire being was completely dependent on Him. I wept for cleansing and He cleansed my heart. I felt something change in me from the top of my head to my toes. I felt some sort of electrical current coming straight from heaven and my entire being was quickened. It was a quickening of the resurrection power of Jesus and I knew that He had completely baptized me in His Holy Spirit.
Now He was by my side, now He would never leave me, now He was with me everywhere I would go. I could feel Him, I could hear Him, and I could see Him. I could feel His heart in my heart, I could think His thoughts, I could experience Him and He was not that far away sun shining and looking on the flower. My flower was now resurrected and the sun was beaming from that flower now. The flower was endued and possessed with His Eternal Life, His Love, His Light, and His Purpose!
I was a shy girl, to the point of not capable of functioning socially. I couldn’t hardly speak to people or look them in the eye. Now that shy little girl was endued with such a power and boldness! I somehow had to let the world know that Jesus was real, He was alive, and His Love would change everything and everyone in this earth! But I had a long way to go. Jesus would help me. He walked with me and He took me step by step to get over my shyness. First I was to be able to stop looking at the ground and look people in the eye, then came a slight smile and eventually came the big day that I could speak out a “Hi” when I passed someone in the halls of school! What a big day victory, on victory, with all the butterflies in my stomach squirming, the boldness of Jesus and His Love was breaking forth and breaking forth from me.
As the victories came over my shyness the love of Jesus poured forth. His Love and His wisdom were coming from me. I didn’t know how it happened but by the time I was a senior, I was the school queen, captain cheerleader, voted class favorite, and tied for best all around. Promotion came from Him and He was the only One I wanted to please.
Even with all the victories and love flowing, the people around me, particularly my family did not know my Jesus. Circumstances came about that I lost my family, ended up in a foster home and with all the blessings and victories I also had severe heartache for my family that seemed to be so lost.
With the question of “Why God?” my faith stumbled and the darkness crept back into areas of my soul. Seeds deeply planted in my soul, good and bad had taken root and my life was tossed to and fro. Not understanding why I seem to attract abuse to myself which caused me to be in torment and still asking God why. Somewhere in my torment the Lord began to unlock the knowledge of the seed of rejection that was flourishing in my life. I knew that my soul needed help. I began to have some victory bit by bit over this demon rejection and my faith began to be restored. Although the Lord was restoring my hope and faith just by loving on me because I sought Him and worshipped Him, I still struggled not understanding and getting answers to my why questions or understanding the bigger picture.
Then God brought me to Kingdom Life Ministries. There the answers, the knowledge, the bigger picture began to flood in. As more knowledge and understanding came, more victories came. Now things make sense as my spiritual understanding has increased. Faith continues to grow to new levels. As more faith comes more victories and more blessings have come my way. Now I can truly say, He causes me to triumph always! Now I am able to see that it is not my rejection, not my shame, not my unforgiveness, that stuff belongs to the enemy. It is the enemy’s junk because my Spirit is pure and whole. That junk is the residue of the fall attached to my soul. It is that residue and the enemy’s activity in my soul and the enemy’s failure that have held me back. Now the Kingdom Life which I had experienced right out of heaven itself in me at age twelve us flowing from me again. Kingdom Life is now possible and Kingdom lLife on this earth is exactly what is going to happen on this earth. I pray “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done!”. Kingdom Life Ministries has given me the tools and the knowledge and the understanding to all my why questions and now there is nothing stopping the Jesus in me. I finally understand that the problems are in the soul and now I understand that the soul and the Spirit are not the same. Now I understand that the enemy still has access to the residue of the fall that is in our soul. Now I know how to recognize and defeat the enemy with the Word. The devil is already defeated! I prayed out daily 1 Thessalonians 5:23, I prayed the Word, the God of peace sanctifies me wholly spirit, soul, and body and He is faithful to do it! I put my faith on that Word and He is faithful. He is doing it! Praise God! I am blessed with the most awesome husband in the world, Gene Hall, and the Lord is blessing me financially! Every area of my life I am experiencing victory. My faith is strengthened and my children are coming into this Kingdom! They will be powerful in the Kingdom!
Now I am able to see that it is not my rejection, not my shame, not my unforgiveness, that stuff belongs to the enemy.